I am Not Stressing Over Christmas Anymore
I have anxiety and ADD. Things like Christmas shopping for a ton of people put me over the edge every. single. year. Things such as going to family parties, decorating, selecting a tree and buying presents have always been a huge stressor to me. I know, we ALL want to give our kids a perfect magical Christmas full of traditions and Elves and wonderous activities but the reality is that for the working mommies who have multiple kids and responsibilities it gets a bit tricky.
One major reason this stuff always stressed me out was the lack of money - I was a single parent, in nursing school, paying for school out of pocket, and working a full-time job that paid slightly above minimum wage. My kid wanted to cool stuff like any other kid - Nintendo Wii, Nintendo DS, American Girl dolls, clothes from the cool stores but I really couldn't afford much of it. Plus I always felt like I had to buy things for my friends and other family members even if they didn't care.
I was lucky in a way that my daughter seemed to understand that mommy didn't have as much money as other parents and never really asked for or expected anything crazy for gifts. Because of that, I never felt the need to go overboard. She was always fun and grateful for small gifts and somehow I managed to get her one big thing each year. She learned from a young age that Christmas wasn't necessarily about getting big expensive gifts and I try to continue with that concept now as an adult. Even when I was a kid and we didn't really have money, we learned to expect that we weren't getting crazy expensive stuff. That's just how our life was and it was ok!
Thank the tiny little 8 lb, 5 oz baby, Jesus that I finished school and have a better paying job. Obviously, if it was that simple for everyone then we would all do it but since that particular stress is improved I can focus on other things. Theoretically, I have more time on my hands (Ha! two kids, a full-time job, a house, a spouse, and pets - I have zero spare time!) I have a partner now who is fully invested in our family. Again, if it were that simple then we would all have a helpful partner but it is another thing that has helped alleviate some of the stress from me making Christmas magic happen all by myself.
Decorating was always stressful because I had a fake tree that I hated - it was just ugly and sad but it was all I could afford. I wanted to put up lights outside like everyone else but lacked the know-how to put them up nicely and lacked the money to buy quality lights. I wanted to put out decorations and have a perfect little Pinterest Christmas house but not only did I work a lot and go to school, but I also am just not good at decorating and making things look nice. I admit it, it's a fault of mine that I am just a terrible Pinterest mommy.
My other major issue was the physical act of Christmas shopping. My ADD being out of control made it impossible for me to walk into a store and go around picking things to buy. I would literally walk into a store - with a list - and walk around, buy nothing, leave then sit in my car and cry because I couldn't make any decisions. Not only was I worried about spending money but I was worried about making the right choices, finding the right sales, finding the right gifts that people would like, but also just being overwhelmed with the crowds and the craziness of Christmas shopping.
In recent years I have learned some ways to get through it all without losing my mind.
I have detailed lists of everything I need to buy down to what candy I'm planning to get for stocking stuffers. I bring my lists with me to the store and I can just walk around and pick the things I decided on beforehand. This list starts out as ideas and then I research my ideas and see what things I can get at what stores for what prices. If I can't find a good deal or I can't justify the expense then it gets crossed off the list. I add to my list what stores I am buying what things in. It makes it a lot easier for me to just focus on what I know I need to get and not be distracted by other options.
I have lists of my Black Friday shopping. I go through the circulars for Black Friday and write down the stores I intend to go to or shop online and what items I can get there. I then sort of have to hope for the best - some stores I shop online for Black Friday but again, I use my lists and try not to deviate.
I have lists of everything I need to do even if it seems stupid to put on a list - getting out stuff from the crawl space, put up the tree, put up lights, make food for this get-together, etc.
I have my planner plus my calendar on my phone plus a large calendar in my house for the whole family so we are ALL on the same page about events and parties and get-togethers.
Research. As I mentioned above, once I have a basic idea of what I need to do and/or buy I do my research so I can organize where to go and what to spend. Some items are just not feasible to get, some aren't available, and some turn out to have crappy reviews and aren't worth it.
Use the internet to your advantage! I am obsessed with the advent of online shopping. Amazon is my favorite friend - Oh, I forgot to get whatever item for whomever? Amazon probably has it and will send it to me in one to two days. It's so easy to hop on Amazon, eBay, Walmart or Target, and Kohls to find the things you want. It saves the stress of having to go into crowded, hot stores and maybe find what you want, maybe not. Some stores that are local even have a pickup option - I use Walmart pickup and Target pick up all the time! You just have to buy online and they will either have it ready the same day or they will give you a ship-to-store date and you go pick it up. I also like Jet.com, and Etsy but the shipping times with Etsy are sometimes slower because it's often hand made items - I know I have to plan Etsy items far in advance so they arrive in time.
Don't make yourself crazy trying to please everyone. Remember, most adults don't need presents from you. I used to worry about getting things for everyone - friends, family members, teachers, etc. I realize now that no one needs you to stress yourself out trying to get them "stuff" that they may or may not need. Nobody needs junk, chotchkies, a 12th coffee mug, or a thing to hang on the wall. Yes, people like to be thought of and that's understandable, but make it easy for yourself and go with gift cards for anyone that you feel has to have a gift from you. If you don't know what they like, go with gift cards for food - grocery store, Wawa, a universally enjoyed restaurant, or just ask them what they like. Honestly, if any adult is insulted that you, a probably stressed out and busy mom, didn't get them a quality gift then that's their problem.
Traditions. A fun way to make Christmas magic happen is to come up with some traditions that you can manage. Some people cut down their own tree every year, many do that Elf thing or leaving cookies out for Santa and Rudolph, parades and going downtown to the big Christmas setups are often fun. They don't have to be big traditions though, sometimes cutting down a tree is just too much. Personally, going downtown and looking in the big stores sounds like a nightmare but that's just me. I also just don't have the time to deal with that whole elf thing so I choose not to.
In my house, we make reindeer food (oatmeal and glitter in a mason jar) and on Christmas Eve we sprinkle it on the front lawn so the reindeer know to come for a snack. We used to cut down a tree but got a nice fake one this year because frankly, it's easier and also cheaper in the long run. Every year we also go to a local garden center that has a fantastic Santa photo set up - you go and see Santa and take your own pictures. I love this because I hate the mall Santa photo business - it's insanely expensive for small photo packages.
Instead of the elf, we do Krampus in the Corner - basically the same thing as the elf but we have an adorable Krampus doll who watches to be sure the children behave. I've included an article about Krampus and the story behind him - he's pretty evil but we just do it for fun.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/travel/krampus-could-come-you-holiday-season-180957438/
Another one, born from me being a terrible mother and never being able to be organized enough to even have cookies in my house (as many of my family traditions are), is that we always leave Santa a cocktail and a snack and we leave the reindeer some fruit to keep them regular on their journey. This year I just got a cute set of plate and milk jug for this to use every year - you can write a little chalk note to Santa on the plate!
My last piece of advice is to just relax. Roll with whatever. Nobody expects you to be perfect ever. Your kids will love their gifts, the dip that you made for the party will be tasty, your kid's teacher will know you appreciate them, and whatever Christmas themed activities you can manage will be magical.
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