I had a Miscarriage
I wrote this probably 2 1/2 - 3 years ago when some of these feelings were fresher in my mind. I'm now 40, almost 41. I've given birth to that baby I so desperately wanted. It has worked out but it was not the road I expected to go down when I started with this journey. I'm 36 years old, soon to be 37. I knew going in that having a baby was not going to be as easy a task as it was at 21 but I had no idea how emotionally and physically trying it would actually be. It seems like for pretty much everyone I know there was no planning involved and whoops! babies everywhere! but for me there was a busy schedule of counting cycle days, cell phone apps to keep up with, checking gross things like "cervical mucus", strategically planning romantic "date nights" at home, then, of course, the dreaded "two-week wait" between the date nights and the expected "visit from Aunt Flo"... Fucking Aunt Flo. Aunt Flo is a bitch. So month after month...